I’m not sure how it started but it became kind of a tradition for me to do some reflections within around 1-2 months prior to my birthday. Since my birthday is in December, most of the time I would reflect back to the last 1 year, so it’s almost like “the year in review”.

This time, it’s a bit different. I was initially reflecting on the last year, as usual, when I noticed there’s something that’s been going on for about a decade and that ties to some things that happen this year.

The story will be divided in three parts: 2015, 2020, and 2025. I didn’t intend to part it by 5 years. Somehow that’s just when the major moments happened. It will involve some depressing points and how I recover (still an ongoing process) but I don’t intend this series to be an “inspirational” piece.

First of all, I just want to keep record of what has happened, in case one day I got amnesia, because I think this series of momentum is quite significant to my life. Second of all, maybe there’s some piece of it that, after reading, can help you go a little further. Or if you’re currently struggling, know that there’s someone out here who (probably) can understand the feeling that you’re struggling with — that you’re not crazy for feeling what you’re feeling. In any way, I don’t intend to diminish other people’s experience with their own struggles.

The entire thread may sound cliché because the underlying theme is “self love”. There’s a lot of contents out there about this and I’d like to join the conversation by sharing my own story.

I would suggest that you read it in the following order — but I’ll try my best so if you don’t do it in order, the piece still could work independently.

Here they are (click on the link to read the story):

2015: The Messenger Had to Die

2020: When the Emperor Said “Stop”

2025: Excuse Me, Who is She?

Is There Such Thing as a “Healed” State?

Lastly, I want to dedicate this piece, the whole series, to my family and friends who stayed with me through the darkest days, who hung with me in silence for days, weeks, months, years — you probably would like to know how things were going on in my head. It’s not that I didn’t trust you enough to say anything. It was just too painful to talk about.

Thank you for staying around. I love you all so very much ❤